I've been having seizures my whole life. Those are the feelings that have been increasing in intensity lately. Those are the feelings that have landed me in the hospital this past week. That's what's causing me tremors now.
I'm not depressed, or anxious, or having a stroke. I'm having fucking seizures. Very intense, life-altering seizures. My entire life has been shaped by seizure, all this time.
My heart rate feels like it must be concerning right now.
Why have I never known this?!
Link: What do you feel? | Epilepsy Foundation
I don't know what to do about this. I'm out of ideas and I'm sinking fast. I don't think my life is in immediate danger, but I don't think I'll be able to advocate for myself much longer.
The tinnitus I'm experiencing right now is dual-toned. One very high pitched, one very low pitched. This has never happened before. I'm experiencing tingling in my left hand, tongue, and space between the ears and eyes. The intgle in my headspace feels electric. (Boogie woogie woogie woogie. You know you thought it. Don't lie.)
I'm definitely experiencing a degeneration in a neurological disorder I never even realized that I had. I've apparently been experiencing seizures of all kinds my whole life and I never knew or realized that was what I was experiencing. They've clearly been completely disabling lately. I've been losing hours of memory lately and I find myself inexplicably sore, tired, winded, and out of breath.
That would perfectly explain how I could break bones in my feet and not even realize how or why.
My wife has been working herself to the point of exhaustion picking up the slack since I've been basically immobilized this past week. She definitely needs help with either managing my care or the care of the household. She can't manage everything with two children with needs for specific, hypervigilant care on top of it all. My six-year-old, who we are completely positive is also autistic, was caught stealing today. On the plus side, I think he finally understands the meaning of personal property and the true nature of consequence.
I'm at my wits' end. More meditation. The tremors are too much to handle right now.
9:35 AM
Link: What is Agenesis of the Corpus Callosum (ACC)? - College of Education and Human Development - University of Maine
9:45 AM
The tinnitus has taken on a quality akin to static noise.
The frequency of the waveform increases the more I focus on maintaining a more rounded and centered neural "shape".
10:55 AM
As long as I maintain this "static" form of tinnitus, the tremors seem to be kept at bay. The reintroduction of Concerta (methylphenidate) into my regimen, within the context of this new perspective, is helping out a lot with that. Three cheers for adequate dopamine availability!
Now we're getting somewhere.
Really looking forward to that MRI...
11:15 AM
Link: Mycotoxins - National Center for Biotechnology Information, U.S. National Library of Medicine, National Institutes of Health, U.S. Department of Health & Human Services
No comments:
Post a Comment