Not all truths are empirical; many are derived. All knowledge of truth requires faith. Even language requires faith in common understanding.
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) November 8, 2016
What is faith? Faith is a profound confidence in a concept beyond its quantifiable properties. It is the product of contextual trust.
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) November 8, 2016
"If you don't vote my way, you help evil triumph." -Every political bully trying to pressure others to vote their way
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) November 8, 2016
"There are three constants in life... Change, Choice, and Principles." -Stephen R. Covey
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) November 8, 2016
It's not a "protest" vote. It's a vote.
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) November 7, 2016
What kind of doctor drops a patient in the middle of a crisis? Irresponsible. Should be criminal.
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) November 7, 2016
Why does my smartphone act so stupid all the time?
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) November 2, 2016
Alzheimer’s: Daring to Play the Apoptosis Card http://bit.ly/2fvvYoR
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) November 2, 2016
To conservative Christians: You don't have a right to force others to believe or worship as you do. Keep your religion out of our gov't.
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) November 1, 2016
And this would be news to whom...? It's ridiculously obvious to anyone actually paying attention. http://bit.ly/2etmky9
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) November 1, 2016
Donna Brazile refers to her own words and actions as "nonsense". These are our leaders???http://bit.ly/2foKdMj
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) November 1, 2016
Hahahaha! Wait, that doesn't sound like a horrible idea right now. http://bit.ly/2f1BRH5
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 30, 2016
Sexual assault is not manly, you poor fool. http://bit.ly/2e1Jhr2
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 30, 2016
Mortgage lenders profit from people's suffering. Also, water is wet.
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 30, 2016
What does the word "racist" mean to you? (This is a social experiment.)
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 29, 2016
Remember: People have the right to wear what they want. You are free to voice your opinions, but you are not free to impose your will. http://bit.ly/2frxKqf
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 29, 2016
Does anyone I know actually use Google Allo and/or Duo yet?
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 29, 2016
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 29, 2016
#TooMuchFreeTime http://bit.ly/2dYC2QB
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 29, 2016
Today's mantra: Perspective is universally unique.
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 28, 2016
Says the head domestic terrorist. http://bit.ly/2dScDYJ
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 28, 2016
#IsntItIronic http://bit.ly/2flUs3d
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 28, 2016
But... With whom will his followers fantasize about drinking beer during Sunday football games? http://bit.ly/2dS8XpX
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 28, 2016
Cold War MAD, Part II http://bit.ly/2flVjAI
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 28, 2016
Ew. What is that in his hair? #TheresSomethingAboutMary http://bit.ly/2flTfsn
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 28, 2016
People need to be held accountable for these atrocities. There is no excuse. http://bit.ly/2eVVezq
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 27, 2016
Why does it seem like university sociology classes make people arrogant, pretentious, uncompromising? Oh, the pedantry! (Says the autistic.)
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 27, 2016
Autism study finds early intervention has lasting effects | Naturehttp://bit.ly/2dKkfle
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 27, 2016
They're praying to the same deity. Should it make that much of a difference? No harm done. This sort of coexistence should be encouraged! http://bit.ly/2dJMoZC
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 26, 2016
Heads-up. Some lunatic who thinks the #BlackLivesMatter movement is a terrorist group is running for Senate. http://bit.ly/2dW4qWY
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 26, 2016
My brain feels like it's being rewritten... again. ζ΅ε£ζ°΄ηε©εεη΄εη笨ε ε
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 25, 2016
When you are drowning in anxiety, say to yourself:
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 25, 2016
There's nothing else I need to do right now.
There's nowhere else I need to be right now.
I'm not a sociologist. If you expect me to talk like one, we're going to have a bad time.
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 24, 2016
SJWs and racial supremacists enable each other. Get over yourselves, all of you.
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 24, 2016
"You can't be racist against white people."
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 24, 2016
Where do people come up with this garbage?
For the record, in perpetuity: I will never sign a DNR under any circumstance. I'm an atheist. I want to be alive. Pretty please.
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 23, 2016
Serious question: Why is a black person in whiteface socially acceptable?
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 23, 2016
Happy Saturday, Part II! Because I refuse to acknowledge that tomorrow is Monday.
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 23, 2016
Dear xenophobes and other bigots: Society is necessarily diverse. It can't be homogeneous. Everyone can't be like you. Don't like it? Leave.
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 23, 2016
Honest question: When's the last time you were screened for parasites? Cat-lovers, especially, take notice. #Toxoplasmosis
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 22, 2016
I want to start an after-school program called the Fantastic News Club. Why settle for Good?
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 19, 2016
In medical and legal parlance, the safeword is "unsafe". Go figure.
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 19, 2016
I want to know objective truth, no matter the cost.
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 18, 2016
Belay that order! Disobey like all of our lives depend on it! ...because they do.
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 16, 2016
Und keiner Eier! π€ ♥ @Tool
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 15, 2016
.@HillaryClinton is an admitted serial perjurer. What the fuck is wrong with you people.
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 15, 2016
.@realDonaldTrump is an admitted serial rapist. What the fuck is wrong with you people.
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 15, 2016
My brain feels like it's on fire. I took half a Zyrtec last night.
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 15, 2016
Little Alchemy: It's like Minecraft, but without all the mining and motion sickness.
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 14, 2016
Excuse me, Mr. Putin. The Cold War is over. Did you know that? Please don't murder my family and me. I'm only going to ask nicely once.
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 14, 2016
I'm using Headspace, the gym membership for the mind. It's really working for me and you can try it for free http://bit.ly/2dacRz5
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 13, 2016
I'm using Headspace, the gym membership for the mind. It's really working for me and you can try it for free http://bit.ly/2dNGUe0
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 13, 2016
I learned something cool on the @curiositydotcom app: A 16-Year-Old Boy May Have Cured A Form Of Brea... http://bit.ly/2ekuo8L
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 13, 2016
You can prove that all lives matter by acting with nobility and championing the cause of black rights. Put up or shut up.
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 13, 2016
BREAKING: Old rich white men behave like old rich white men. News at 11. http://bit.ly/2ercRen
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 12, 2016
#Hypothesis: #Brains actually do stimulate #pain. Otherwise, #headaches and #migraines wouldn't exist. #NeuroPsych #Neuroscience
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 12, 2016
#Hypothesis: #Histamine deficiency is instigating my #seizure activity. Ceased #antihistamine treatment to test. #NeuroPsych #Neuroscience
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 12, 2016
#Hypothesis: #Perseveration, commonly found in #autism and #ADHD, is a form of #seizure. #NeuroPsych #Neuroscience
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 12, 2016
a historic*
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 11, 2016
"Fight or Flight" should be renamed: "Fight, Flight, or Freeze" (freeze === seizure)
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 10, 2016
I learned something cool on the @curiositydotcom app: This Robot Proved That It Was Self-Aware http://bit.ly/2dVSc33
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 8, 2016
I learned something cool on the @curiositydotcom app: This Computer System Taught Beginner Pianists T... http://bit.ly/2d3fI7S
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 8, 2016
I learned something cool on the @curiositydotcom app: Robots Are Coming To Take Our Jobs-Even Doctors' http://bit.ly/2dVTsTB
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 8, 2016
I learned something cool on the @curiositydotcom app: The Teal Drone Is The Fastest, Smartest Consume... http://bit.ly/2d3bGfU
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 8, 2016
I learned something cool on the @curiositydotcom app: How Medical Simulation Makes Patients Safer http://bit.ly/2dVSF5k
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 8, 2016
Electromagnetic perturbations in fields of light π
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 8, 2016
Iceberg
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 8, 2016
Time is malleable. Time pressure constructs our understanding of reality. Meditate to lengthen the spiral of your "mortal coil". ♥metaphors☯
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 8, 2016
It took them long enough. http://bit.ly/2dVhMFf
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 8, 2016
The endocrine system is so foreign to me. Why? Think I'll do something about that
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 8, 2016
Want to fix the problem of police brutality? Require officers to have high emotional intelligence and be informed of their own biases.
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 7, 2016
Thank you, Alan Turing. π
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 6, 2016
Headphones. Dark room. Eyes closed. This. http://bit.ly/2dFkDjK
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 5, 2016
Idea: $5,000 USD reusable payload delivery quadcopter/balloon/rocket for Mars and Venus. Fuel? Solar + Seawater = Hydrogen + Oxygen + Salts.
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 4, 2016
October rains in New England on a Friday night are my new favoritest thing. ❤️
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 1, 2016
To conservative Christians: The Gospel is one of unconditional love and acceptance. ☯ Agape. Please, practice what you preach. Always. ❤️
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 1, 2016
To conservative Christians: Treat everyone you meet like the Second Coming of Christ. He could become manifest in anyone. Even everyone.
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) October 1, 2016
If you choose comfort over truth, you choose conflict. Choose peace. Choose uncomfortable truth. #PsychoCog #LoveWillSaveUs #HumanTribe
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) September 29, 2016
Whole body is itchy, concentrated in the eyes. Starting to think my #seizures are histamine responses. Forgot to take Zyrtec this morning.
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) September 29, 2016
People who blare their car horns in the middle of a residential neighborhood are some of the most despicable assholes on the planet.
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) September 28, 2016
Can someone please explain to me how making a patient experiencing emergency wait two months for diagnostic tests isn't grossly negligent?
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) September 27, 2016
I finally have a neurologist appointment... on November 30th. Fuck this life so hard. #FedUp
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) September 27, 2016
I don't care who you are, that's funny right there. http://bit.ly/2dgjYBJ
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) September 27, 2016
There needs to be a ridiculously easy way to discover which medical problems often get misdiagnosed for each other. Anyone? #healthcare
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) September 27, 2016
Kept waking up gasping for air last night. It's taking deliberate effort to breathe right now. Feel jittery. #braingate #healthcare #crisis
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) September 27, 2016
Still waiting around for calls back. I try to reach out to doctors' offices for updates, and I'm given the voicemail runaround. There are always excuses for why my results are not available. I feel like I'm being deliberately ignored by my health care providers. I'm running out of patience and motivation.
The clock's ticking. I'm running out of time. I need a definitive diagnosis and effective treatment so that I can get back to work and so that I can get my short-term disability insurance coverage... covered.
The deadline is approaching fast and I have nothing to show for any of this beyond a generic letter saying, basically, "sorry, we dunno wats rong". I can't expect my employer to wait around forever especially when this is all I have to excuse my extended absence. I certainly know that the insurance company isn't going to accept this.
They need a diagnosis, a prognosis, a return-to-work date estimate, and a list of accommodations that may be needed to be made for me at the office. I feel like I'm being asked to herd feral cats, and I can barely manage to keep myself alive.
I'm still experiencing changes to my average condition. I'm becoming increasingly lucid in emotion and in presence, and my body and my cognitive mind continue to be robbed of usefulness. The atrophy in my limbs makes even simple standing for more than a few minutes at a time unbearable. Both of my forearms are constantly sore, and the soreness is starting to creep up my biceps. My fingertips are starting to go numb and feel cold. Bending my fingers at all is becoming difficult. The tendons feel tight and weak, and the joints are sore. It feels almost as though I've completed a rigorous weightlifting program, only I'm not recovering from the DOMS.
I noticed four vibrant red petechiae on my torso today.
I stutter when I talk now. I forget what I'm saying while I'm still saying it.
I'm still experiencing changes in intracranial pressure. (The neurologists, infinite in their wisdom, insisted again and again that my sensations of pressure, tingling, and air escaping through my eustachian tubes were just psychosomatic. I just imagined it all. Bull Fucking Shit! I've been getting treated like a schizophrenia case for years and dismissed. And the trend continues through to the present, as though I'm not actually experiencing a legitimate health emergency.)
The line between what's seizure and what isn't is blurring progressively. I'm having trouble discerning the difference between the two. I don't know if my anxiety is attributable to seizure activity or if I'm anxious in response to a more legitimate stimulus.
Relief from nausea and tinnitus is a rarity now.
I forget to take my medications. Eat. Drink water. Basic biological functions. I'm aware of it happening after the fact. My cognitive processing delay feels infinite right now. But I am very coherent.
Why won't someone give me the help I need? I've been literally begging for help. To hell with pride and decorum. This is my life. I feel like it's deteriorating. Why do I feel like something's being hidden from me? Why was I disallowed from reviewing my own test results?
I was angry about all of this for a while. Now I'm starting to wonder why I even cared in the first place. When I can't even count on a neurologist to know how pain regulation works, when I legitimately know more about the nervous system than the doctors I'm entrusting with the care of my own, when I'm teaching them something new and dispelling myths about how shit works, what hope is there for me?
Am I just destined to wither away and die? I'm really starting to wonder.
12:00 PM
Just found the most likely explanation yet! Hypokalemic periodic paralysis.
1:20 PM
The forehead tingle is emanating numbness down the bridge of my nose to the tip.
The tingle behind the eyes feels like it's squeezing my front teeth (all of which are rootless) out of my skull.
2:25 PM
I'm experiencing a continuous I-have-to-sneeze feeling.
7:35 PM
I can barely talk above a whisper. Sometimes I can't even manage to convince my vocal cords to work at all.
The pain behind my eyes and forehead is sharp and even between left and right. There's an itchy feeling towards the center of my brain.
Nausea is back with a vengeance. I somehow have relief from tinnitus.
I hurt my foot and ankle while walking down the hall of the doctor's office today. I was trying to keep up with the nurse and I felt a little pop followed by a lot of pain. I have to walk ridiculously slowly now if I don't want to be injured further, apparently.
Looks like I have no choice but to see a neurologist at Tufts if I want to get any answers at all. Yeah, that Tufts. The one that dismissed me and misdiagnosed me with conversion disorder and sent me home. The one that lied about me being "sectioned". The one that insisted upon an incorrect explanation of a physical phenomenon in order to shut me up about my own symptoms. The one whose credibility is shit to me now. The one who threatened to arrest me while I was in the middle of a meltdown (hello, I am autistic and prone to panic attacks when triggered by asshole behavior). The one that treated me like a criminal for the remainder of my stay. That Tufts. How can I trust a single word the doctors at Tufts say to me now? Their credibility as an institution is severely damaged in my mind. I don't trust them, and it takes a lot to tarnish my trust. (For comparison, I still trust the people who have raped me. I have a complicated life, I guess.)
I'm not being given much of a choice, it would seem. It's either go back to Tufts and risk being illegally detained and generally treated like shit again, or I wait for a neurologist somewhere else and risk not getting an appointment soon enough--up to a year wait, I was told. (Spidey sense is tingling?)
If I'm getting sent on a fool's errand for the sake of someone else's religious beliefs, I'm going to be severely pissed off. If people think I've been difficult at all, they're in for a rude awakening. Don't fucking play games with me.
I'm experiencing a continuous I-have-to-sneeze feeling. #braingate #healthcare #crisis
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) September 26, 2016
The tingle behind the eyes feels like it's squeezing my front teeth (all of which are rootless) out of my skull.
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) September 26, 2016
The forehead tingle is emanating numbness down the bridge of my nose to the tip.
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) September 26, 2016
It feels like my motor cortex and my amygdalae are being cannibalized. To what end? What is the equivalent reaction? What is its nature?
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) September 26, 2016
Just found the most likely explanation yet! http://bit.ly/2cQ13hb
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) September 26, 2016
Consciousness takes shape within. Pay close attention, it can be felt. Pay closer attention, it can be shaped. Pay closer attention, ☮♥☯☸.
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) September 26, 2016
The line of threshold between seizure and non-seizure is beginning to blur. I'm having trouble discerning the difference between the two.
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) September 26, 2016
Horus has been sniffing at the tingling spot at the center of my forehead more lately.
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) September 25, 2016
I… http://bit.ly/2cTOe7E
Feels like my skull is widening. Contours on top of my head feel off, too. Holy longitudinal fissure, Batman! http://bit.ly/2djbieH
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) September 25, 2016
Responding to "black lives matter" any way other than "yes they do" is like saying "no they don't" or "I don't care".
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) September 25, 2016
#DevOps #IoT #SmartHome #HomeAutomation #AutomateAllTheThings http://bit.ly/2crIaAk
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) September 23, 2016
Why don't racists ever think they're racist? #CognitiveDissonance #PsychoCog
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) September 23, 2016
I keep thinking about lotus flowers and water. I've never cared about the lotus before in my life. A fresh Wikipedia session is startling.
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) September 23, 2016
α្αុំαិααាα្αុំαឹαα ាα់α្αើααៅα្αះαិα ាαααិαុα្α។ α’ααុα។ α្αុំα្ααាα់α’្αα។
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) September 23, 2016
Welcome to the first day of fall. Oh, what a fall it shall be!
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) September 22, 2016
Why does it seem like everyone I know is having #seizures without even realizing it's happening?? http://bit.ly/2cp37f8 #epilepsy
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) September 22, 2016
Containerize all the things! ✊ #Docker #DevOps #IoT #SmartHome #HomeAutomation #Hashtag
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) September 22, 2016
Gamify life. The universe. Everything. π❤️☯️☸️π⚙️
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) September 22, 2016
Thinking about setting up a @jenkinsci instance for #HomeAutomation to replace or augment @eventghost, @IFTTT, #Tasker. Thoughts? #DevOps
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) September 22, 2016
So, modern smartphones have some pretty nifty compass apps, huh? ...
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) September 22, 2016
#YoDawg, I heard you like #DevOps... http://bit.ly/2dcsGBF
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) September 22, 2016
Do not force yourself to be present. It won't work. Instead, allow yourself to be. There is no greater tribute to our inertial beginnings.
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) September 22, 2016
I feel like I'm being rewritten from the inside out.
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) September 22, 2016
The tinnitus is deafening.
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) September 22, 2016
Med Hypotheses. 2005;64(3):464-7. Meditation may predispose to epilepsy: an insight into the alteration in brain environment induced by meditation.
-National Center for Biotechnology Information, U.S. National Library of Medicine, National Institutes of Health, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services
Ever have a panic attack about there being nothing to panic about (yet)? Anxiety sucks. Migraines suck. Seizures suck. Two steps forward...
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) September 21, 2016
Katniss Eberdeen, where are you?
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) September 21, 2016
National Grid just stopped by and turned off the power. I convinced them to turn it back on by calling down to them from the bedroom window. I couldn't get to the door, I'm having seizures in bed at the moment.
They said I have seven days to get this settled or to get medical records faxed over to prove a medical related hardship.
I'm still past due from last summer and the winter before that when I was helping two families stay off the ground and out of the elements. Shielding people from capitalism's ruthless sting is, in my opinion, the most holy of all works. And the social return on investment pays its own dividends through other forms of currency unmatchable in monetary value.
And still, despite my good fortune in career advancement and net income, it seems that I'm in my own bind now... When I agreed to shoulder the burdens of others, I didn't even consider the aftermath or the personal ramifications. It's not in my nature. I have always agreed to help those in need to the best of my ability--beyond my ability, it would now seem. It should've been obvious to me that I'd have a habit of biting off more than I could chew in all aspects of life, not just those of gastronomic proportions.
I'm sure we'll find ways to get creative with finance in light of the new collection of challenges we face. It always seems that things have a way of working themselves out as long as I don't call it quits.
I just wish the load were a little more spread out. 😢
I'm still waiting for results from both the lead test I ordered (and had the blood drawn for) and the MRI I had. (Editorial note: I'd still like to have a mycotoxin screening done for the sake of being thorough. I have a hunch and I feel it would be irresponsible to dismiss it without follow-up.) It feels like I've been waiting my whole lifetime for the answers behind these tests that I've finally managed to communicate that I needed to have done. I know another day won't spell the end of the world for me... I hope.
8:15 PM
I'm still in shock. Today's been a day of breakthrough for me.
First...
My mother, Linda Plamondon, offered to pay off the overdue electric bill. I am overcome with relief, joy, and gratitude. A tremendous weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Thank you, mom, from the bottom of my heart.
I could not have asked for a better birthday (it's tomorrow! 🎂🎈🎊🎉) than to start a new life without a pile of debt looming overhead. (Feel free to look her up on Amazon if you have been moved by this display of generosity--she's a published author!)
Second...
I had a bout of good luck with an experiment this evening! I purposefully triggered a brain freeze during an experiment with the kids at BK (mmm Coca Cola Icee) and I was able to replicate a less severe version of the head pain that completely paralyzed me and sent me into a state of catatonia...
My suspicion of amygdalae seizures is seeming more and more likely. My MRI has ruled out diagnoses of multiple sclerosis and Parkinson's. I am grateful, and yet saddened for people who have had to live with these kinds of symptoms for years and decades. My level of respect for sufferers of such conditions has only been solidified throughout this entire ordeal.
I follow up next with a joint neurology/psychiatry team for review of findings thus far, plus evaluation of my current hypothesis.
Assuming that my hypothesis has any merit, I'm hopeful that a combination of benzodiazepine therapy plus sphenopalatine ganglion block may be what finally relieves me of my debilitating symptoms.
I'm getting so close! 💖💖💖
"Pumpkin spice" contains no pumpkin and it's not particularly spicy. You're all frauds. π
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) September 20, 2016
I know what's happening to me! I'm experiencing the turbulent neural regeneration that I'd normally only experience during REM sleep!
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) September 20, 2016
Holy shit! Clarity hurts like a bitch!
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) September 20, 2016
Ten-year-old had bad nightmares, came to me crying. Said five things to him. He was calm and ready for sleep. Understanding's awesome! ❤️
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) September 20, 2016
#HallmarkHealth treated me skeptically. #TuftsMedicalCtr detained me unwillingly. #MGH & #APS treat me with faith. Love. Love heals. ❤️
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) September 20, 2016
I've volunteered to make "someone" at APS, my employer, my health care proxy. I did so in an email to some of the "top brass". The proposal is now in their hands.
I'm not equipped to make good health care decisions for myself anymore. And Rachel is working herself past the point of exhaustion... She needs help. She's not a bystander in any of this. Humans have limits, whether they want to acknowledge them or not. Feelings of guilt and shame are illusory motivators. Asking for help is not an admission of failure or a sign of weakness.
There do not exist people on this planet more qualified and capable to help my family through this ordeal. It's not just me who's facing a crisis, after all.
I'm in a constant state of seizure now. Not looking like it's going to improve anytime soon. 😢
I've been talking to and "comparing notes" with some friends from all walks of life. I realize I said I'd stop guessing and trying to diagnose myself, but my mind has other plans for me. This is my entire life. And, believe it or not, I actually am equipped to perform diagnostic tests on myself--thanks to the neurological benefits of regular meditation, introspection, and reflection. ... From an objective standpoint, I'm exhibiting symptoms of rapid descent into multiple sclerosis (MS).
My body, my mind, and my home are all falling apart at the seams and I feel powerless to do anything about any of it.
I feel like my intellect is the only thing left that I have going for me and for my family.
Strangely, it feels like that aspect is improving to compensate.
The fundamental nature of truth is, there is none. "Why?" is paradox--a side effect of consciousness. "How?" is the appropriate question.
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) September 19, 2016
Car alarm across the street keeps going off intermittently. Driving me batty. π¦π¦π¦
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) September 19, 2016
Yes! This is why I try to know as much as I can, so I know what I can reasonably expect and what is truly deviant. http://bit.ly/2ckf76D
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) September 19, 2016
MRI's done.
I could feel the tingle and the pressure in the most extreme way when the machine was on. It filled my entire cranial cavity and extended through the base of my head, down my spine, and through my legs.
For the final phase of the MRI, I repeated my Fibonacci sequence experiment, just for the fuck of it. When I asserted my intent during the experiment, I could hear different pitches of tinnitus inside my head, with my "mind's ear".
Noteworthy: The soreness and weakness that I originally only felt in my right thumb last week has been spreading throughout both of my hands and forearms since my last major update. The seizures are basically constant now. But I'm so much more aware of them now than I've ever been before. The pain behind my eyes and forehead is back with a vengeance. I feel more capable of managing the pain and discomfort now, though.
It seems like I'm worse off right now to the casual observer based on my outward appearance. But I've never felt more encouraged and sure of anything before in my life.
MRI today. Choosing not to relieve seizure, tremor, or migraine leading up to it. Don't want to externally influence results with pharma. π
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) September 18, 2016
I remember... everything. It's OK. The past is dead and gone. Necromancy is undignified. Life is progressive. Ever forward!
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) September 18, 2016
"Once you are involved in bloodshed you are no longer a genuine practitioner of Islam".
The Dalai Lama condemns those who commit violence in the name of any religion while at the EU parliament. -Channel 4 News (via Facebook)
The things you are all saying about both sides of this debate are quite valid, depending upon one's perspective and resultant priorities.
What is one to do with this realization? If both sides of a duality are true, then the duality is paradoxical. Paradoxes mustn't exist, and so therefore the nature of the argument is meaningless.
This will always be an argument to be had to keep us preoccupied ad nauseam.
So...
Let's have a different conversation, if but for a shared moment.
What is the nature of that which we all share? We should discuss that.
❤️🌎🌍🌏🖐️🖖🤘✊✌️👐🤝
I remember... something. I do not know what it is yet. I do not know how to quantify or qualify it. But it is (t)here and it is loud.
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) September 17, 2016
✊ #PardonSnowden ✊
— Christopher Parker (@cparker15) September 16, 2016
Link: What do you feel? | Epilepsy Foundation
Link: What is Agenesis of the Corpus Callosum (ACC)? - College of Education and Human Development - University of Maine
Link: Mycotoxins - National Center for Biotechnology Information, U.S. National Library of Medicine, National Institutes of Health, U.S. Department of Health & Human Services
The symptoms came on sooner and stronger this morning.
Pressure and tingling behind my face is difficult to concentrate past.
The involuntary jerking motions getting shot down my spine are back, but they've increased in intensity and have spread to other parts of my body. Involuntary movements in my arms/hands/fingers and neck/head/eyelids are the most noticeable to me.
The neuropathy in my right thumb is back.
The tinnitus is really uncomfortable.
Sensory sensitivity is increased all around.
It's harder to catch my breath than it was last time I had difficulty with it. I feel like my heart rate is probably elevated.
It's getting difficult to think of words again. I'm starting to get disoriented and confused.
I'm grateful for SwiftKey. My words you're reading now would otherwise be riddled with typos and nigh unintelligible.
I feel like I'm slipping.
It's too early to take more Excedrin Migraine, so I took some ibuprofen. Hopefully that will help some.
Daily meds now include twice daily magnesium. It's too early to take daily meds still, too.
Conveniently, the times for both happen to coincide this morning.
I hope I get definitive answers soon. PCP follow-up appointment today around noon, where I debrief and schedule my MRI.
7:50 AM
Just took daily morning meds plus Excedrin Migraine. Swallowing is more difficult than usual again.
I've realized just now that music has been randomly entering my "mind's ear" more frequently and discernibly over the past couple days when my symptoms have started to return.
Currently playing over and over again in my head? "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer". The only explanation I can think of for such a strange choice is that the song was in a Family Guy episode I recently re-watched and it always sticks out in my mind whenever I hear it again due to the sheer absurdity of it. (Family Guy episodes seem to be my go-to in lieu of a security blanket. The references and the psychological/sociocultural phenomena explored by the show help me feel like I can learn to understand the many nuances of the contemporary human condition better.)
8:05 AM
I keep having to remind myself to breathe. I occasionally find myself gasping inexplicably, only to realize that I've stopped breathing (again). I keep forgetting that I keep forgetting to breathe. Yes, it feels as fucked-up as it probably sounds.
8:10 AM
Holy fuck, this is uncomfortable. It's getting unbearable again.
Nauseated somethin' fierce. (Did I use that right?)
So grateful for the love and support people have been showing me. I wouldn't be able to do this alone. I feel like these updates are becoming pointless, though. It's always more of the same now, just harder and faster. (Giggity.)
I think I'm going to conserve myself for a bit. At least until the meds kick in and my condition improves--assuming it does.
8:18 AM
Before I forget... I've just noticed that the neuropathy in my thumb corresponds with soreness in my forearm.
OK, I'm shutting up now. More if/when there's improvement.
9:50 AM
I had another update ready to post, but Android killed the Blogger process when I backgrounded it to look something up, and I hadn't saved a draft yet.
What the fuck, Google?! ಠ_ಠ
9:55 AM
I don't remember what I typed before, but I do know what I would say now if I were typing something for the first time...
Symptoms have been gradually improving for a while. I'm not sure how long. It feels like forever and no time at the same time. Yes, it feels as fucked-up as it probably sounds.
Currently stuck in my head is Ayreon's album, "The Human Equation". Yes, the entire album. I feel like I can hear every note, word, inflection, pause, breath, crescendo, decrescendo, tempo change, accidental, key signature change, everything, all at once, with clarity and without dissonance of any kind. (I've had a newfound appreciation for this work of art since I was discharged from Tufts.)
Yes, this feels as fucked-up as it probably sounds, too.
I've been awake for a little over an hour now. I'm starting to form a newfound appreciation for waking up in my own bed.
The pressure, tingling, and tinnitus have been gradually returning since I woke up.
I'm going to try repeating MGH's treatment from yesterday as closely as possible using OTC medications and supplements, plus hydration and a salty snack.
Excedrin Migraine and a magnesium supplement?
It'd be pretty fucked up if "migraine" was the source of so many of the problems I've faced for so long...
3:00 PM
I've gotten some balls rolling. Called my current PCP's office to schedule an outpatient MRI at MGH. Called MGH to start the process of obtaining an MGH PCP. They're scheduling at least four months out for new patient appointments... going to be a bit of a wait! As the adage goes, though, the best things in life are worth waiting for. I won't let impatience get the best of me anymore. It could be five days or five months; in the end, it'll all have felt the same to me, anyway.
