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Thursday, September 15, 2016

Braingate, Day Eight (Rinse and repeat.)

The symptoms came on sooner and stronger this morning.

Pressure and tingling behind my face is difficult to concentrate past.

The involuntary jerking motions getting shot down my spine are back, but they've increased in intensity and have spread to other parts of my body. Involuntary movements in my arms/hands/fingers and neck/head/eyelids are the most noticeable to me.

The neuropathy in my right thumb is back.

The tinnitus is really uncomfortable.

Sensory sensitivity is increased all around.

It's harder to catch my breath than it was last time I had difficulty with it. I feel like my heart rate is probably elevated.

It's getting difficult to think of words again. I'm starting to get disoriented and confused.

I'm grateful for SwiftKey. My words you're reading now would otherwise be riddled with typos and nigh unintelligible.

I feel like I'm slipping.

It's too early to take more Excedrin Migraine, so I took some ibuprofen. Hopefully that will help some.

Daily meds now include twice daily magnesium. It's too early to take daily meds still, too.

Conveniently, the times for both happen to coincide this morning.

I hope I get definitive answers soon. PCP follow-up appointment today around noon, where I debrief and schedule my MRI.

7:50 AM

Just took daily morning meds plus Excedrin Migraine. Swallowing is more difficult than usual again.

I've realized just now that music has been randomly entering my "mind's ear" more frequently and discernibly over the past couple days when my symptoms have started to return.

Currently playing over and over again in my head? "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer". The only explanation I can think of for such a strange choice is that the song was in a Family Guy episode I recently re-watched and it always sticks out in my mind whenever I hear it again due to the sheer absurdity of it. (Family Guy episodes seem to be my go-to in lieu of a security blanket. The references and the psychological/sociocultural phenomena explored by the show help me feel like I can learn to understand the many nuances of the contemporary human condition better.)

8:05 AM

I keep having to remind myself to breathe. I occasionally find myself gasping inexplicably, only to realize that I've stopped breathing (again). I keep forgetting that I keep forgetting to breathe. Yes, it feels as fucked-up as it probably sounds.

8:10 AM

Holy fuck, this is uncomfortable. It's getting unbearable again.

Nauseated somethin' fierce. (Did I use that right?)

So grateful for the love and support people have been showing me. I wouldn't be able to do this alone. I feel like these updates are becoming pointless, though. It's always more of the same now, just harder and faster. (Giggity.)

I think I'm going to conserve myself for a bit. At least until the meds kick in and my condition improves--assuming it does.

8:18 AM

Before I forget... I've just noticed that the neuropathy in my thumb corresponds with soreness in my forearm.

OK, I'm shutting up now. More if/when there's improvement.

9:50 AM

I had another update ready to post, but Android killed the Blogger process when I backgrounded it to look something up, and I hadn't saved a draft yet.

What the fuck, Google?! ಠ_ಠ

9:55 AM

I don't remember what I typed before, but I do know what I would say now if I were typing something for the first time...

Symptoms have been gradually improving for a while. I'm not sure how long. It feels like forever and no time at the same time. Yes, it feels as fucked-up as it probably sounds.

Currently stuck in my head is Ayreon's album, "The Human Equation". Yes, the entire album. I feel like I can hear every note, word, inflection, pause, breath, crescendo, decrescendo, tempo change, accidental, key signature change, everything, all at once, with clarity and without dissonance of any kind. (I've had a newfound appreciation for this work of art since I was discharged from Tufts.)

Yes, this feels as fucked-up as it probably sounds, too.

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