To the neurologist I'm about to see

I don't trust you.

I don't intend to be rude to you.

I intend to be protective of myself.

I need to know that I can trust you before I decide to entrust my body, mind, life, family, job, career, and future in your care. My brain is all of these things. It's precious to me. And so I need to know that I can trust you. Faith in titles isn't enough for me. I'm genuinely sorry if this hurts you. Please try to understand that this isn't personal towards you; it's personal for me.

If I'm to trust you, I need to know and understand some things.

* Show me all of your notes about me. All of your assumptions. All of your preconceptions and your prejudices. I need to know every detail about every thought you've ever had about me. I need to be absolutely clear that I understand the lens through which you, a human being, see me, a human being. Through such an understanding, I feel that I will be able to communicate my concerns to you in a manner consistent with the persona you've constructed of me in your mind. I need to know your professional opinions as well as your personal opinions. I swear that I will take no offense and I will respond to you rationally, compassionately, and maturely. I don't know what to expect, so I will err on the side of caution and prepare for the worst kinds of conclusions so that I can prepare my range of sufficient responses. I hope you'll forgive me if I approach you with skepticism.

* I need to know your credentials. Where did you get them? How long ago? How do you keep current with new advancements in the fields of brain science?

* Tell me something about you. Something you've always wanted a passing stranger to know about you. Something that you wish you could advertise to the world. Something that makes you proud of who you are. If I'm to entrust you with that which enables my character, I feel the need to know more about your own.

I intend to approach you openly and compassionately going forward. However, please understand that I am likely in pain and anxious about what's happening to me. My physical condition is steadily deteriorating. I was genuinely happy with my life before this started. I had no reasonable stress stimulus to trigger a dissociative episode. I would appreciate it if concerns about psychosomatic causation be put to bed, because I need to know that my concerns are going to be taken seriously. I need you to rule out everything neurological in nature before getting passed off to the psych ward.

These are my terms.

Do you accept?